Updates

I would so much rather write this in stream of conscienceness but I don't know if I'm even able to stick to an unformatted format so do try and stay with me.

1) I'm so busy I might die.

This is what I'm doing right now. This is the first morning I've had off in a while and I have off tomorrow too so I'm going to my very best to make the best of it. I have about 200 pages of reading to do before Monday and Tuesday of next week. My schedule is so packed, there isn't room for another thing. I'm working on my homework and my classes are NOT easy. I'm working on my 2 theses (120 pages has to be written and edited and I have to do 3 presentations on them in 6 months). I'm taking the GRE to get into GRAD SCHOOLS on Nov. 15 and I couldn't be less ready for that.
Grad school applications are due by Dec. 1 and I haven't' even begun to get that stuff ready either.
I though next semester would be a breeze but after talking to my advisor yesterday, I learned that I have to take a class that I didn't think I would have to take. Oh well. No rest for the wicked or if it doesn't kill you it makes you stronger or work hard now so you don't have to later. Whatever phrase I use, this is really hard.

2) I admire my best friend Kaitlin. She said that she admires me because I can do so much all at once and it's true, working 40 hours a week and getting paid way less than you are worth, going to school full time, writing two theses, having friends and maintaining a healthy and supportive relationship is really super hard. That why I have no friends. It's also super duper hard to find excess motivation. It's not like after working your tail off all day you get home are like "I think I'll run 2 miles now to lose some weight and really feel good about myself." It's more like "I don't know how I'm doing this and I don't remember what I had for lunch or when the last time I talked to my mother was but surely sometime this will get easier right?" All the while I just keep getting fatter and losing hope that my hard work will pay off.

Kaitlin somehow finds time to work out like 3 times a day. She saw something about herself that she wanted to change and she just started doing something about it. She has lost so much weight that the last time I saw her (which was, admittedly, too long ago) I was dumbfounded and so profoundly disappointed in myself and proud of her all at once, I thought I might cry (but I know how she and Patrick - who was with me at the time - get about emotions and crying so I somehow suppressed the thought).

I miss her everyday and I am so proud of her for doing what I, no matter how hard I try, cannot do myself.

3) That being said, I joined a Volleyball team. It's the Elizabethtown College Volleyball Club and they/we are actually really good. We don't have any games scheduled yet but I left practice the other night feeling great and tired and sore and no matter how hard i work out I don't feel that way so I must be doing something right?

also, I have recently procured a tire (almost the size of myself and weighing about 500 pounds) and have been flipping it like in cross fit. I'm not losing any weight but I do feel better. I'm also working out for an hour or so every friday and playing volleyball with some girls I work with about twice a week. I like it a lot. I'm also running a couple times a week. My body seems to like me better but I'm getting migraines about every single solitary day. I hope I figure out why soon.
Anyway, this is me a Samm (a person who works out with me on Fridays) and the tire.

This is the pile of books that I've read for my theses. I still have 3 to read and still 2 interviews to conduct.

I tried to take up a hobby making rings and jewelry. That lasted all of a week. I'm too busy for personal hobbies. Nonetheless, I made this: 

I also built these shelves for my DVDs

This is the bed that Patrick and I bought off of Craigslist:

and finally, this is Patrick and I at the beach in Georgia:

Pat's face is goofy but it often is. He likes it that way.


I can't remember if I had anything else to say except, I want a job where I can wear regular clothes and my hair down, work 20 hours a week and get paid 12-14 dollars an hour.

I want to hang out with friends - but I don't really have any.

I want to have time for myself and I want to be healthier and happier.

I'm working on it but it's hard.
I miss Kaitlin and I miss my mother.